All I needed to know in life, I learned from taking kids shopping

My need-list was getting long and there were time issues with it too.  It was time to bite the bullet and get up and go shopping.  Getting the kids together and just running to the store is not as easy as it used to be as the big one-stop stores are at least and hour and a half away for us.  The trip there was uneventful thanks to the glorious invention of portable DVD players.  Even Garmin didn’t mess me up this time, as she made the same demands as she did last time… I was not falling for driving into a field again!  The actual shopping at the store was the exhausting part, which is no surprise to me, but I thought that I should warn others who have not gotten to that stage yet.  Here are my warnings:

  1. It is deeply embedded in children to ask the question, “are we done yet?” not more than two minutes after walking through the front doors.
  2. The other embedded question will be asked at least 200 times during the whole event is, “can I have this?”
  3. Yet another question that you will be asking at least 200 times is, “why on earth did I think this was a good idea?”
  4. Don’t ever, ever stop to talk to the lady who gives out free yogurt samples, because the two year old boy that is supposed to be buckled in so tightly that his ribs protrude over the straps will still manage to wiggle out and will hang (yes, literally) from the cart’s handle!
  5. When your kids figure out that they can shock the heck out of you while walking around the store, it is time to get out!  They will turn on you with their newly found power.
  6. Don’t sic the electric-fingered kids on the escape-artist two year old.  It seems like a good idea at first, but it doesn’t help.
  7. When you have had enough of the screaming from the two year old about wanting to get down out of the cart, and whining from the oldest about letting him down, don’t.  I repeat, don’t let him down and into the care of the oldest child!   If there are any sort of Disney Channel products displayed around to distract the older child, it will give the two year old plenty of time to run like a bat out of hell. 
  8. Make sure to put the word, “chocolate” on the list, because you will be too frazzled to remember it without it being written down.  (Waaaa!  I need chocolate!!!!)
  9. The most important warning… REMEMBER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE LEAVING.  As I found out, it doesn’t count if you go in the middle of the shopping trip.  It has to be directly after you are done.  If you forget, the news will be broken to you in the middle of the freeway going 70 miles…eh-em, um 65 miles an hour… “I have to go to the bathroom… real BAD!”  Do you know the real reason why people speed?  It’s because they have a kid in the back screaming that they have to go potty… I’ve been there too many times.  I have actually been known to say, “sweetie, I know that you have to go, but I can only go around the corner so fast!”
  10. Finally, don’t be surprised if you have to spend the rest of the day resting in bed.  Shopping with kids is a full day’s work!

5 comments on “All I needed to know in life, I learned from taking kids shopping

  1. Suzyness says:

    LOL… sounds like a fun adventure… at least you have some interesting stories to blog about, right? 🙂

  2. Laura says:

    Yes, that is the bright side I guess. Since that is the case, I should write about my adventures this weekend while Roger was gone… We had a fire in the microwave because a child put in a bowl of top ramen noodles without the water. By the way, burning noodles smell NASTY!… or the potty training kid who left a trail of poo in the livingroom. Thank goodness we have wood floors! So, the adventures go on!

  3. Nancy says:

    Ahhh, I remember it well. This too will pass…. but you will never forget to appreciate the fact while shopping (in many years to come) that the children crying, begging, squirming etc. are not your own! Never!

  4. Laura says:

    Oh, come on! I never did that to you! 😉

  5. Peggy says:

    When Shaw was little, he stole a candy bar in the ever so cleverly placed narrow isles of candy bar heaven waiting to check out. Once I realized it, I made him return it to the check out clerk and apologize. Graciously, the clerk said, “Oh, that is OK honey, you can have it.” Lesson learned!

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